Bouncing in Zero Gravity

About the name of this Blog:

I suppose there are many of us who just know that we have the capability to write a book. And so this is the title of my first book. It is meant, like many first novels, to focus on the autobiographical. In this first book, I have decided to look first at myself in relation to the Bipolar mood disorder that is so much a part of my life.

The idea is that the blog be a space where I play out the thematic content which will eventually form the back-bone of the text itself.

Today I will plot out a few thoughts around how a bipolar sufferer functions effectively in the workplace.

A mood disorder is unpredictable and challenges one to build up a set of tools with which to deal with it effectively, to manage it so as to ensure that you can function effectively within the various spheres of life to which you attach meaning and to which society attaches value of some or other sort.

This control, I thought, is comparable to bouncing in zero gravity as your movement is entirely dependent upon a will within yourself to move in a direction you have elected. Without gravity to provide a point of reference, a constancy, you have to use other means to propel yourself. This could be the matter around you against which you push yourself away but mostly, you have to be the propelling force, knowing the direction in which you want to go and using this end point to focus your efforts.

I have identified this end point as the improvement of the quality of life of others. A selfish focus, I know as it is virtually impossible to do this without impacting positively upon the quality of your own life, but there is no rule against being self-serving in life…

For the functional bipolar “sufferer” - I put this in italics because bipolar has an inherent element of fun which, if you enquire, nobody with bipolar will swop for anything - work is, after relationships, the ultimate challenge.

While we can outwork most people, the demand for consistency often is the cause of our undoing. To be successful in the workplace you need to pitch up. And we’d rather not pitch up at all than be sub-standard. This is probably the most difficult lifestyle characteristic we need to overcome in order to remain effective in the workplace.

Medication to balance out the chemical imbalance in your brain is often approached by the deployment of something akin to a cruise missile taking out a moth and there is always collateral damage of some kind or another.

 We are told that Lithium is the “Gold Standard” as if we are unaware of the fluctuation in the value of gold. Living on Lithium – yes, it is really the element on the physics table of elements that you remember from school – is like wrapping yourself in cotton wool. You are safe from yourself and the world, but your experience of that world is mediated to such an extent that you really might as well not be in it.

And, of course you are told that you will have to be on medication for the rest of your life. bd that is morning and evening (if you are lucky enough not to have to take anything in the afternoon.

Then there is the weather, believe it or not. We are actually affected by how bright or dark it is. I often have depressive episodes during winter, when it is overcast for extended periods of time. I’ve heard of light boxes but the idea of sticking my head into a box with a number of light bulbs for company has not yet grown to appeal to me.

So my plan is as follows. I see a psychiatrist, a psychologist, a dietician, a biokineticist and a thai massage therapist and I go to church at least once a week.

Next time I’ll unpack what each of these elements of my “holistic approach” does for me – and what it costs.

Have a great Christmas!

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